Sneaky Behaviour

Lying “Yes I did already brush my teeth!”

Stealing treats from the pantry

Sneaking the ipad 

I have three ways to deal with any kind of deceptive or sneaky behaviour.

*First though, I have to say that Lying is a HUGE topic, and part of the solution is figuring out the motive behind the behaviour. Listen to the podcast on Lying HERE.

FIRST: The conversation should be around building up trust with integrity. Your kids want to be believed, so they need to practice being honest and following the family rules. 

I love it when parents can frame it in a way that sounds something like: “Johnny, you’re a Dean. You’re a part of our family- and our family honest. We tell the truth even when it’s hard. We don’t sneak or steal. We have integrity, which means we do what’s right even when nobody’s looking. This is who you are.” 

SECOND: A perfect consequence for sneaky behaviour is to require your child to stay near you for a prescribed amount of time. For the next hour, afternoon, or day, depending on the age of the child and what you feel is warranted, when you leave the room you will require your child to come with you. Instead of making it a punishment (you did this wrong so now you have to suffer), it’s supposed to be a learning time: “Johnny, you need to practice being honest and following the rules to build up trust. You will stay near me so that I can make sure you’re doing what you say you’re doing, for the rest of the morning. That means when I go downstairs to do laundry you need to pick up your toy and come downstairs with me. When I go into the kitchen you’ll have to play nearby. I’ll be giving you instructions for you to practice following family rules.” 

At the end of the time, you can say “oh Johnny, you remember how important it is to tell the truth and follow the rules, even when it’s hard. I’m going to let you play in the living room now while I’m in the kitchen, but remember who you are- and that you have integrity.”

THIRD: Pre-teaching.  Let’s say you bring home a family size bag of your child’s favourite chocolate bars. Pre-teaching means we talk about it ahead of time and make a plan for success. Have a conversation with your little candy fiend. Ask them how hard it’s going to be and if they help to remove it? Ask them what they can say or do to avoid temptation. And if the chocolate becomes too tempting for them, can they talk to you about it?  Lastly, ask them something like, “What if you do sneak in and steal some candy. What is a consequence that would help you learn from this?” It’s amazing what the kids will come up with. 

These work!

Sneaky behaviour is tough to deal with, but you can do it!

Let me know how it goes!

Your coach,

Jenn 💛